November, 2010

30
Nov 10

Julia Roberts will always be Vivian from Pretty Woman to me

Edward Lewis (Richard Gere) paid Vivan $3000 to spend an entire week with him as his personal live barbie doll while he bathed, cleaned and played dress up with her, which is totally responsible for the plots of today’s top reality TV shows such as: Exteme Makeover, Project Runway, Intervention & Celebrity Rehab.

Well, now that Vivan is cured from being a prostitute and a sex addict and is all cleaned up, an Italian coffee brand – Lavazza made Vivian an offer she couldn’t resist, a whopping $1.5 million for 45 seconds! Beat that Edward Lewis!

For 45 seconds, Vivian stood in her nightgown without the blond hooker wig, smiled and sipped coffee out of a tiny cup while 3 horny Italian men tried to convince her to have a 4-some with them. She kindly denied their offer and still got paid $1.5 million dollars.

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Categories : Makeover , Other crap
30
Nov 10

The Polish made the Gaga Cry. Bastards.

The messiah and woman I’d like to legally marry as soon as the US of A makes it OK for the gays to marry each other ALREADY, stood in the middle of the stage during her concert in Poland and spoke with tears in her eyes to a full crowd of non-English speakers.

“I will never let you down,”Gaga promised the Poles as she thanked them through her tears and said she didn’t know what she would do without all of them.

WTF GAGA? What would you do without them? What about us! What about America? Why can’t you be more patriotic like Madonna and resolve the obesity issue in America’s fattest state, Mexico by going there to open up a gym or something?

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Categories : Ladies of the Week , Music
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30
Nov 10

Intercepted by God

This past Sunday, God made a surprising appearance at the Buffalo Bills game and felt like getting in on some of the action when he intercepted a pass between Harvard’s Ryan Fitzpatrick’s to Steve Johnson, which if Steve had caught would have resulted in the Buffalo Bills win. Whooopsies.

So, after dropping the ball, Steve, in his best Kanye West fashion, took his anger to the Internet’s #1 Psychologist, Twitter and yelled that he will NEVER FORGET or forgive God for coming down from the clouds to play a little foosball.

And after much controversy surrounding his God blaming tweet, Stevie cleared everything up via a follow up tweet saying it wasn’t God he was blaming:

Yes Steve, that is exactly what we all do when “sumthin’ goes wrong in our lives, we jump on Twitter and ask @Jesus_M_Christ: “WHY, GOD, WHYYYY” and then watch your FAIL video to make ourselves feel better about our lives:

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30
Nov 10

Madonna is such a Patriot

Forget the latest obesity statistics as reported on the Fattest States of America list researched by the top medical professionals, because Dr. Madonna knows where help is needed the most; and according to her, America’s fattest state is Mexico, so she went there to open a gym for all the taco eaters to get in tip-top shape for a small payment of $160 a month, with an $830 initiation fee.

The gym’s name, Hard Candy Fitness, as Professor Madonna explained is a perfect combination between the phrases “hard body” and “eye candy” = Hard Candy, which is ironic because her body is more like “eye sickly.”

Here is Madonna, looking very Rachel Zoe in the face cutting the ribbon at her gym opening in Mexico City and other pictures:

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Categories : Other crap
30
Nov 10

Nicole Spock-zinger

Nicole Scherzinger is making her rounds in the UK promoting a new song about having “Poison” on her mind that is slowly spreading to the rest of her body and turning her into Spock from Star Trek.

Here she is performing this ehhh song on UK’s This Morning show. I liked her sexual duet with Enrique Iglesias better.

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Categories : Fashionable Fail , Music
29
Nov 10

Oh..You so dirty, HuffingtonPost

Let’s take a look at the Huffington Post’s Hot Trends today, shall we?

Kendall Kardashian in a bikini while Kim Kardashian is nude with Kylie Jenner is modeling and Miley Cyrus is lap dancing in video… God Bless American Media!

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Categories : God Bless America
29
Nov 10

Kim Kardashian is the most Boinged person of 2010

GLORIOUS NEWS: Bing announced their Top 10 Most Popular Searches of 2010 and Kim Kardashian came in at #1. In case you care, the President of your United States came in at #5.

Kim already took it to her blog to post her acceptance speech by thanking everyone from her loyal fans to her pimp, Kris. Will somebody get this woman a nobel prize already??!!

First of all, I don’t know anyone who “Bings.” Second of all, who is binging Kim Kardashian? When I need to look up a picture of her talented crapper, I go to my good ol’ friend Google. It’s good to know that Kim Kardashian makes sure to take time out from her busy Must Stay Relevant Tour to bing herself all day long for that #1 spot!

In the words of her “loyal fans” who unlike me, spend their entire day leaving positive comments on any post she farts writes on her blog: “You deserve it!!!!”

Oh and the rest of the suspicious “top 10″ list included:

2) Sandra Bullock (I can understand this one)

3) Tiger Woods (I can definitely understand this one)

4) Lady Gaga (at #4 really? Gaga is God.)

5) Barack Obama (FAIL Mr. President)

6) Hairstyles (WHAT?)

7) Kate Gosselin (WHY?)

8 ) Walmart (REALLY?)

9) Justin Bieber (Bing obviously does not have Bieber Fever)

10) free (Who search “free???” WTF)

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