Meet the new Rihanna and Chris Brown 2.0

My favorite fiction novel, Star reports that Britney Spears and her current personal nanny agent, Jason Trawick are the new Rihanna and Chris Brown 2.0

Since Star’s speed-dial mainly consists of Ashton Kutcher’s hookers and Britney Spears’ ex-husband of 55 hours from an MDMA sponsored quickie wedding in Vegas, Jason Alexander, it was a fairly simple task for Star to track down Jason’s crushed up ecstasy pills trail & pay him $10 in exchange for some hard, cold “facts” about Britney’s current relationship.

Although Jason Trawick is worshipped at every Sunday mass across most of American Churches for helping Britney rebuild her career and life, Star says he couldn’t have achieved this without giving Brit a few black eyes here and there. In the December issue of Star, on sale today, Jason Alexander describes how Britney calls him instead of 911 from inside of a locked bathroom, Capri Andersoon style, and confides in him about Tarwick ‘s beatings.

“Britney is in an abusive relationship. She told me her life had turned into a nightmare,” claims Jason but that’s not all….apparently Brit also told him that she was carrying Tarwick’s child early this year.

The best part of the interview is when Alexander admits that he feels the need to get paid, open up to Star magazine because he is “really concerned” for Britney and wants everyone to know the few hairs that remain in our girl’s weave are in great danger of being permanently pulled out should Jason get ahold of it again.

Dear Alexander, Star is not the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Please call toll-free 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) instead, but they won’t cut you a check for your story, sorry.