Jersey Shore Episode 2 Recap – The Only Thing That Saved This Episode Was Jwoww’s Dress

Episode 2 was nowhere nearly as exciting as Episode 1 but let’s dive right into it, shall we? I know how much you guys love to read long and eloquently written descriptions, so I’ll keep the text to a minimum and the blurry pictures to a maximum.

Sammi and Jwoww went at it and Sammi actually managed to rip out a chunk of Jwoww’s weave.

Snooki said “Fuck You” to Sammi and now all 3 girls in the house are against Sammi, leaving Sammi with noone to follow around the house but Ron. As Deena notes, “Sammi is a female backpack.”

The next day everyone gets ready to go out and Pauly and Vinny engage in a philosophical debate about whether the new girl, Deena’s boobs are real or fake. Pauly wants facts and decides to consult a female (Deena) who would explain to him what a real boob is made out of: fat tissue or milk.

When asked about the consistency of a real boob, Deena aka Einstein responds with:

“I think it’s fat tissue, no, you only get milk in it if you’re, like pregnant I think…………..”

See she’s not braindead, I think….

Guess who doesn’t go out? Sammi and Ron. Snooki doesn’t get it screaming: “We’re in fucking Seaside bitch, let’s fucking go to Karma” and “What are Sam and Ron gonna do? Stare into each other’s eyes and say I love you, baby?”

At this point, I’m falling asleep so THANK GOD for Jwoww’s dress for resuscitating me.

Everybody gets to the club and the usual occurs: Mike flashes his “situation” at random girls as if he’s auditioning for Girls Gone Wild.

Snooki and Jwoww are dancing but it’s just not the same….WHERE is the Snooki who does backflips with her “cooka” blurred out????

WHERE is Ron and his embarrassing dance moves???

WHERE is Vinny’s dance moves and sweaty fist-pumping???

And WHERE the hell is Snooki falling off the table???

Ugh, instead Snooki leaves the club and finds some bush to hide in:

Snooki, classy as ever declares: “I will pee in a bush, I will poop in a bush, and I will hide in a bush.”

The rest of the episode almost puts me to sleep again, but I must thank the MTV God for cutting to random shots of Jwoww’s dress.

Mike and Vinny bring home a grenade, whom they fail to share. Vinny locks himself in a room with her and Mike gets no love.

Again, falling asleep – WHERE is the hot tub action? WHERE is Jwoww getting into the hot tub while Uncle Vito drools???

Anyways, the next day the whole crew cooks Sunday dinner and Sam and Ron decide to eat on their own and miss Sunday dinner.

At this point, there is absolutely no action and all of a sudden, Pumba, excuse me, Deena breaks out a FUNNY… I’m actually starting to warm up to this girl…Deena says the funniest thing she’s ever said about Sammi:

“I have no idea why Sammi’s here. She’s boring. There’s nothing to her. She’s just there. She’s like furniture.”

ROFL!! I’ve never heard someone being compared to a piece of furniture. Bravo, Deena!!!