After having a revelation that she shouldn’t drink again post her arrest in Episode 4, Snooki went out, got drunk and passed out in JWoww’s dog kennel.
Get off my bed, BITCH!
Snooki wasn’t the only one who got belligerently drunk. Ron’s asshole decided to tell its owner via a message written in blood in the toilet bowl that it would no longer tolerate any more alcohol being passed through it.
After gently fingering Ron’s butt with such sweet talk as “How about deeper in through here,” the doctor told Ron to limit his drinking.
Since Ron decided to give his ass a rest, he got home, took a shower, put on a fresh t-shirt and went out to Karma to meet up with his friends who came to visit the Shore.
Deena immediately fell for one of Ron’s juicehead friends so she flat out asked him if he wanted to kiss her and if she could toss his salad.
Snooki met a typical, Seaside guide with “the chain, the tan, little muscles and he’s Italian.” DING, DING, DING. We’ve got a winner!
Snooki: “He’s grinding on me, we’re making out, I’m taking this guy home tonight.”
This dude’s name is not important because all that matters is that he was DTF.
Snooki took Mr. DTF home and ALMOST gifted us all with her own rendition of the Paris Hilton night-vision sex tape:
However, this sex tape didn’t happen because Snooki ruined it by having her period.
Deena fortunately wasn’t on her period and stated loud and proud that Ron’s friend, Darian was not going to get the golden ticket tonight.
“It’s not Halloween, I’m not handing out candy for free.” - Deena
Needless to say, Deena ended up smushing with Darian so her golden ticket was taken.
Snooki spent the next day hanging out with Jeff. At first, things were going great and he even did a pole dance for her:
Then, they enjoyed going on some rides and making out on the boardwalk:
However, things took a sour turn when Jeff revealed he was once engaged.
Snooki freaked out and asked Jeff if there was anything else he was hiding from her: “You were engaged? Do you have kids? Do you have an STD?”
Because naturally one being engaged leads to having kids and getting an STD from cheating on your kids’ babymama. Snooki has the smartest logic out of everywhere in the house. And just to further prove how smart Snooki is, here is a little fact I bet you didn’t know about as to why the water is in the ocean is salty. Snooki, take it away:
Now with Jeff & Darian gone, the two meatballs Deena & Snooki declared that they want Pauly D’s own meatballs.
Correction: Snooki just wants to use Pauly’s meatballs to make offspring out of.
Jeff got hooked on Snooki’s wisdom and kept calling the house to convince her to give him another chance:
Pauly D felt bad for the guy and told him to send some roses with Snooki’s favorite – fried pickles in them:
SamRon went to battle for the 1549068th time and here are some memorable quotes:
You’re supposed to cook for ME! I cook you breakfast every day! You don’t do shit for me!” - Ron
“What don’t I do for Sam besides wipe her ass and breathe for her?” - Ron
“You wanna break up?” - Sam
While SamRon were at battle, the roommates wondered if Sam would go out with them.
“Look me in the face and break up with me, don’t you understand? What part of ‘don’t you understand’ don’t you understand?“ - Sam
“It’s over, we are broken up, we are finished, ok?” - Ron
“I need closure, bro” – Sammi
“You are a fuckign waste of time” – Ron
“Guess it is what it is” – Ron
“Yea, it is what it is” – Sammi
“Im done with it.”- Sammi
Vinny sums up the SamRon atmosphere perfectly:
Everybody went out and Pauly D brought back Danielle “the stalker” home and wore the “I StarofDavid Jewish Girls” that she made for him from the previous season.
Episode 7 Review coming up shortly!
Click here for Episode 1 Review.
Click here for Episode 2 Review.
Click here for Episode 3 Review.
Click here for Episode 4 Review.
Click here for Episode 5 Review.