Jersey Shore Episode 2 Review

15
Aug 11

Jersey Shore Episode 2 Review

Allright, so the last episode was completely not worth killing any of our brain cells because wtf was that? I swear, there may not be a Season 5 if the rest of the season goes like Episode 2.

Let’s review:

Replaying Deena’s and Pauly’s kiss still made me want to puke in my mouth.

Snooki proved to be a really good friend by walking over to Pauly post-kiss and pretty much begging him to smush her bff, Deena.

“Fuck Deena please. She’s alwas wanted to fuck you,” Snooki cooed in his ear. What a darling.

Surprisingly, Pauly didn’t let his penis speak and actually used that brain under his blow out to decide that smushing Deena wasn’t the best idea.

Denna’s penis however wasn’t that smart so she still fantasied in the confessional room about Pauly: “Maybe his Italian sausage will be in my vagina.”

Then Deena got super wasted:

and fell:

then she fell some more:

In her defense, she did warn us in Season 3:

oh and can we TALK about Deena’s disgusting tan line for a second?

I really don’t think you will successfully attract many Italian men shaking that ass:

The best part was when Pauly was outraged that all of his roommates were sleeping through their time in Italy. “Who comes to Italy to sleep? Not me?!” – Pauly yelled, yet he played dead and pretended to sleep when Deena walked over to his bed in the middle of the night to see if he was awake, clearly trying to smush. DENIED.

Sammi volunteered to cook Sunday dinner:

Sammi, wtf? Where are you glasses, girl? Oh, wait..that’s right, I forgot. Ron broke them in Season 3.

Sammi, if you ever read this blog. These are your common berries:

It’s nice to see that Vinny and Ronnie had a gay moment.

Mike was still shady trying to hit on Snooki, but ended up bringing some loser home to bang.

Now there’s a situation going on with his face because he literally looks like a 40 year old creep.

Snooki called her boyfriend Jianni, who demanded to know how she could “go through an entire day w/o talking to me.” Easy boy, somebody sounds a little insecure…unless you have a reason to be. Mike, would you like to say anything? Oh that’s right, you already did when you kissed and told Ronnie a big, fat secret that you banged Snooki while she was with Jianni. Meanwhile, was anybody else uncomfortable watching Mike touch and rub Snooki’s knees while telling her “You like deserve everything. You deserve the world.” Barf. Mike, you sounded faker than Jwoww’s tits, and those are some nice tits.

And Snooki getting jealous of the grenade Mike brought home? What was that all about?

Snooki: You can do better.

Mike: You are right, I can do better. I woulda went home with you. Your not just somebody to take home. I care for you more than a friend.
Snooki: We are really good friends, that’s it.
Mike: I see the way you look at me.
Snooki: I look at you like a friend.
Mike: I beg to differ, I think there’s a little something there.

Anyways, we finally found out where everybody will be working…at a pizzeria, naturally.

Everybody went out and Single Ronnie turned into Sloppy Ronnie and told Vinny he fucked 4 girls in 3 days before he came out to Italy. That’s FOUR for you, Ronnie! You go, Ronnie! and none for Sammi...

Ron – you know who I think you are? Yes, you said it…you are the…

Meanwhile, because all the girls at the club were apparently super young, the boys started a trending topic on Twitter with the whole “She’s too young for you, bro” theme.