Jessica Simpson is going to be a MUMMY? Get it??????? Of course you don’t because Jessica looks more like a deranged patient who escaped from a mental institution than a mummy.
With these pictures posted on her piece of a shit official site, Jessica Simpson decided to put all the recent pregnancy “rumors” to rest.
WHAT THE FUCK?
Remember when Jessica Simpson was un-pregnant and hot?
Well if Kim Kardashian’s real father, Ryan Seacrest confirmed these “shocking” news then you know it must be true!
After 72 days of marriage and just in time after her wedding special on E! was shoved down our throats on an hourly basis, Kim woke up this morning & decided there would be no more Kris Humpty Dumpty.
So basically the entire wedding was like a pre-mature Halloween party where Kim went as a bride and Kris went as an over-sized Taylor Lautner look alike in a suit.
Kim collected a bunch of free shit: free Vera Wang gowns, free jewelry, free honeymoon tickets, hell the whole wedding was FREE. Must be nice to be the planet’s most talented person and get rewarded by the universe.
It’s good to know two idiots can get married for a publicity stunt and collect $20 million but gay marriage is still illegal. God Bless, America!
At first, this picture really made me want to break out into a hashtag rage: #unreal, #insane, #wtf, #damn, #abnormal, etc.
But then someone posed a very good question: “How do you even take that shot? It must be assisted.”
Yup, her ass not only has a mind of its own, but probably has its own assistant.
As many of you may have noticed by now, I’m more of an ass-woman (Exhibit A: Shrine to Coco’s ass; Exhibit B: Elisabetta Canalis’ Nice Buns). However, I gotta give credit where credit is due and this past Sunday’s episode of one of my favorite shows - How to Make in America has definitely made me a fan of Lake’s two Bells.
Lake Bell’s character, Rachel got high and slept with Kid Cudi, conveniently for us waking up in the bed, shirtless.
To see Lake’s breasts in their full glory, watch the video below. No need to be shy watching this at work, you have my guarantee that your boss will like it too.
Apparently Adam Levine has been banging/dating Anne V, a Russian model, so all those questionable dance moves from his “Moves Like Jagger” music video can be put to rest, for now…
So what does one do when your girlfriend is a supermodel? You dress up (or in this case dress down) and do a photoshoot, which is exactly what Adam and Anne did for the November issue of Russian Vogue. 
Look they were jumping so hard that her boob accidentally & casually popped out and none of the editors noticed and published it anyway:
Here is Adam & Anne’s favorite sex position:
GLORIOUS NEWS: Tom Rothman, co-chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Fox Filmed Entertainment, announced this morning that the Die Hard franchise will begin shooting its fifth installment titled “When the fuck is John McClane Gonna Die Already?” Just kidding, it’s actually titled: “A Good Day to Die Hard.” (Insert your ”Bruce Willis is hard” joke here)
Now, since I’ve been blessed with the dirtiest mind of them all, this title has immediately embedded a fabulous image in my head of Bruce Willis killing off terrorists with an erection.
Here are the details that were revealed about the movie:
Maybe Christina Hendricks can play a sexy Russian spy.
I know, you will never look at her boobs the same ever again…
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