Just like last year, the Kardashians have given us yet another classic Christmas card. I’m so sad that Kris Humphries had to be photoshopped out of it! Couldn’t they leave him in there just for memories?
Also, Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant – but is she carrying the baby in her ass??? Where the hell did that come from?
I wanted to do something very special for my non-Jewish readers on Christmas since I dedicated a few special Hanukkah posts to my Jewish readers. So, because I am aware that all of my Baby-Jesus devoted readers are broke & tired from the Xmas shopping marathon, I give YOU the best lesbian sex scenes from the Black Swan movie for free that you can enjoy from your couch: CLICK HERE
It turns out that many animals including reindeer get high as part of their daily diet that consists of eating grass and hallucinogenic fungi aka shrooms, according to the Sun.
Scientist Andrew Haynes has written in the respected Pharmaceutical Journal that reindeer deliberately seek out the mushrooms to escape the monotony of dreary long winters. Mr. Haynes writes:
“They have a desire to experience altered states of consciousness.”
Not only that but apparently herdsmen have been known to drink their own reindeer’s urine in an effort to catch a buzz themselves. Lindsay Lohan just quit her acting career and got a job being a herdsmen while we can expect a video of Miley Cyrus drinking reindeer urine in 3, 2….
Lady Gaga must have been inspired by Family Guy’s latest episode where Stewie goes up north to kill Santa, so she headed north to Toronto and killed Santa at her concert. Fast forward to the 0:40 mark to watch Gaga bite off Santa’s head and stab him with her heel as she screams:
“I hate the holidays. I’m alone and miserable you f**king stuffed little toy!”
She justified her actions by claiming:
“He was pregnant with chemicals not meant for children. ”
Santa’s disciple & my new hero, Lloyd Hudson got fired from Harrods in the UK, drank two bottles of whisky, barricaded himself for an hour-long stand-off in a maintenance control room for Harrods’ 10,000 external lights and managed to disable the correct lights until it could spell out his feelings to his Harrods bosses and Christmas shoppers alike. If this story is indeed real…then this bloke deserves to be knighted by Queen Elizabeth immediately.
Family Guy’s most recent “The Road to the North Pole” episode perfectly conveyed Santa’s message for all of us greedy consumerists to leave him the fuck alone & fuck off in all of its graphical glory with cannibalistic reindeers, inbred mutant elves working in a sweatshop and dying Santa ready to be reunited with Allah.
You can watch the hilarious full episode on Hulu – Click Here.