Posts Tagged: divorce

23
Jan 12

Auf Wiedersehen, Seal

It’s official, kids. Heidi Klum and Seal have confirmed the rumors and they are indeed splitting. =(

Today marks the day true love has died. This is yet another sign that the world will end in 2012. I mean…we might as well cancel Halloween this year because there will be no more of this:

“While we have enjoyed seven very loving, loyal and happy years of marriage, after much soul-searching we have decided to separate. We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other very much, but we have grown apart.

This is an amicable process and protecting the well-being of our children remains our top priority, especially during this time of transition.

We thank our family, friends, and fans for their kind words of support. And for our children’s sake, we appreciate you respecting our privacy.”

Fuck this statement. Now tell us how you really feel.

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Categories : Famous Couples
17
Dec 11

“Cause When She Leave Yo Ass…She Gon’ Leave with HALF!” – Kanye

Vanessa Bryant, who stood by her husband’s famous infidelity scandal in 2003 that SNL made an amazing skit about, filed for divorce citing cheating son of a bitch irreconcilable differences. Oh wait and there is no PRE-NUP, which makes Vanessa entitled to half of Kobe’s earnings during their 10-year marriage

A statement from the couple through a representative reads:

“The Bryants have resolved all issues incident to their divorce privately with the assistance of counsel and a judgment dissolving their marital status will be entered in 2012. We ask that in the interest of our young children and in light of the upcoming holiday season the public respect our privacy during this most difficult time.” 

In other news, Kim Kardashian must be ecstatic and planning her next arranged marriage to Kobe.

Let’s hope there is an SNL follow up!

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Categories : Famous Couples
14
Dec 11

Demi Will NOT Be Changing Her Twitter Name So Stop Asking

Demi Moore is refusing to change her @MrsKutcher Twitter name despite her recent split from Ashton. 

Demi is clearly fed up with people asking why she’s not reverting back to her former name, insisting it doesn’t “matter,” but I think she should absolutely go ahead and change it. Here are a few options for ya:

@CougarOnTheProwl 

@ILikeThemYoungandDumb

@MrKutcherIsStupid

@NoMoreKutch

@MrsDieHard

@IMissBrucesBaldHead

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Categories : Famous Couples
02
Dec 11

Kim Says Kris Humphries is Gay & Wouldn’t Touch Her Humps After Their Honeymoon. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Shit just got real, son!

Right after Kim didn’t like what Kris had to say about her non-Hollywood future, Kim filed for divorce and called him gay.

Hm…I mean, on the first episode of Kourtney and Kim Fart All Over New York, Kris Humphries did display clear signs of homosexuality when he offered to trim Scot Disick’s armpit hairs.

There was also a questionable kiss on the cheek between the two:

Yup! Definitely gay.

Bahahahha that’s what YOU thought, Kris! If by “a lot” you meant 72 days…

I guess Kris Humphries wasn’t able to keep up with the Kardashians…

And here are the best of “not the real Kris Humphries” tweets (even though deep down inside, I really wish the real Kris Humphries is behind this account):

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17
Nov 11

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore Are Over

After 6 years, a cougar was set free today. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have officially announced their divorce.

Demi said “as a woman, a mother and a wife, there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life.”

Ashton tweeted:

Marriage is…fucking random girls when you get sick of fucking your cougar wife is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail. Love and Light. AK

Sorry Ashton, but you shouldn’t have shown your dick to Sara Leal in San Diego.

Photo courtesy of ButYouAreLikeReallyPretty

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Categories : Famous Couples
02
Nov 11

Since Nothing Else is Happening in the World Besides Kim Kardashian’s Divorce, I Guess I’ll Blog About That Some More…

Happy Kris HUMPries day!

It is with great sadness that I announce Kris Humphries will NOT carry out his naked, hosting duties at a Las Vegas event this weekend. The 26-year-old naive idiot that fell for 31-year-old money/fame-hungry Kim Kardashian is too devastated to take off his shirt and get paid for it at the Paris hotel’s Chateau Gardens.

Kim Kardashian farted out a bunch of lies as a professional compulsive liar on her personal blog about how she married for love and didn’t make any money of the wedding. Read Here if you have any flying fucks left to keep on keeping up with the Kardashians.

On this hump day, I wish you:

Oh and Mama Pimp Kris was on the Today show this morning whoring out her new book titled Kris Jenner…and All Things Kardashian because as you know we all suffer from the lack of  ”all things Kardashian” on a daily basis as it is, so thank you Kris Jenner for filling us in on your secret lives.

Enjoy the interview:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

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Categories : Daily KKK update
31
Oct 11

Kim Kardashian Is Getting a Divorce? Well I Just Won a Bet!

Well if Kim Kardashian’s real father, Ryan Seacrest confirmed these “shocking” news then you know it must be true!

After 72 days of marriage and just in time after her wedding special on E! was shoved down our throats on an hourly basis, Kim woke up this morning & decided there would be no more Kris Humpty Dumpty. 

So basically the entire wedding was like a pre-mature Halloween party where Kim went as a bride and Kris went as an over-sized Taylor Lautner look alike in a suit.

Kim collected a bunch of free shit: free Vera Wang gowns, free jewelry, free honeymoon tickets, hell the whole wedding was FREE. Must be nice to be the planet’s most talented person and get rewarded by the universe.

It’s good to know two idiots can get married for a publicity stunt and collect $20 million but gay marriage is still illegal. God Bless, America!

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