Posts Tagged: kuwtk

22
Aug 11

Now We All Know the Reason Kris Humphries Proposed With a $2 MILLION, 20.5 Carat Ring

In case you missed Keeping Up With the Kardashians latest non-scripted episode, the over-rated Brady Bunch took a vacation to Bora Bora with a new addition to their family, Kris Humphries. Upon arriving to paradise and changing into their swim gear, keyword “swim,” Kris decided to dump his girlfriend into the ocean, who happened to be wearing $75,000 diamond earrings.

Kim hit the water pretty hard and as a result lost one of her earrings…and went from hysterically laughing to hysterically crying in a record-breaking .02 seconds.

My favorite part was when Kris jumped into the ocean and almost convinced himself and Kim that he was going to find it in the depths of the ocean. I really don’t know who’s more stupid with these two, Kim for wearing these earrings or Kris for diving in to search for the lost earring. I think they’re tied for stupidity. After Kim stormed off like a spoiled 5 year old brat who’s favorite barbie doll was taken away, Kris knew he had to make up for it with a $2 million ring from his $3.2. million annual salary.

I really don’t know why the bitch was crying as if the world was coming to an end, she had a few dozen of those diamonds hanging from her forehead and then some on her ears at her wedding this past weekend.

Cry me a river and collect your bazillions:

Kim and Kris earned over $17 million from the ceremony and reception, and that’s without considering all the free items bestowed upon the couple.

  • $15 million for the upcoming wedding special on E!
  • $2.5 million for exclusive photos with People Magazine
  • $300,000 for the exclusive engagement announcement with People
  • $100,000 for exclusive rights to the bridal shower for Britain’s OK! Weekly
  • $50,000 to have the bachelorette party at Tao in Las Vegas
  • $15,000 to $20,000 for Hansen’s Bakery wedding cake
  • $20,000 Vera Wang wedding dress and fittings
  • $40,000 for two more Vera Wang evening dresses, worn during the reception
  • $400,000 in Perrier Jouet champagne
  • $150,000 in hair and makeup for photo shoots videos
  • $10,000 in Lehr & Black wedding invitations
  • Major discounts on the $2 million 20.5-carat engagement ring and $1 million wedding bands by jeweler Lorraine Schwartz

via TheHollywoodGossip

For richer or for poorer…

Comments : No comments
Categories : Daily KKK update
19
Dec 10

A Special Holiday Wish from KKK

The Kardashian Ho, Ho, Hos got spoofed on SNL and it was epic:

Comments : No comments
15
Dec 10

KKK – the Kardashian Kristmas Kard

What in the hell kind of a Kristmas Kard is this???? Khloe Kardashian just posted this on her blog and farted:

“Christmas cards have always been a REALLY big deal in my family. For as long as I can remember, my mom has made it a point to go all out, whether it was a ninja turtles themed card, or bringing a Santa into the mix, each year she always managed to top the year before. I’d have to say though that our card this year might be my favorite. It turned out beautifully — just SO glam! Plus, Mason is in it, which makes it even more special. Look at him standing there in his pinstripe suit, SUCH A LITTLE GENTLEMAN!!! LOL. I love it!”

For some strange & unexplained reason, every time I look at this card I want to play a game of “Where’s Waldo?” Only in this game, Waldo is the only person without any plastic surgery and looks “naturally” dark, if you will.

And I really hope Santa will not leave any more botox syringes under the Xmas tree for Kim because her face is starting to look like Joan Rivers’. WTF is up with her eyes?

kardashian-family-christmas-card

kardashian-family-christmas-card
◄ Back
Picture 1 of 11

Comments : 2 comments
03
Dec 10

Your Daily KKK Update

Last night KKK appeared on Conan to promote their new book, Kardashian Konfidential. To mark the occasion, Coco put on his sexiest pair of jeggings and conducted what is probably the most intellectual interview of his entire career.

The sisters simultaneously played with their hair and engaged in a variety of informative topics such as putting mayonnaise on their vaginas to make it look shiny (WTF?), a lube endorsement deal, butt enhancement pills, texting “lick my balls” to Kim’s fuck of the week, and much, much more that my brain snoozed through. However, it awoke just in time to hear Khloe speak about a vibrator endorsement deal that her & Lamar were offered and publicly admit that their Mom, Kris, will encourage these girls to put their name on literally any endorsement deal in order to make sure she gets her “10 %” as their pimp.

Conan did his best to try and look somewhat interested and followed up with questions about their book, that they came to talk about, in hopes of getting some kind of an intellectual answer. In response to what advice the book provides its female audience, Kim and Khloe provided the viewers with the most vital piece of information on how to appear slimmer in a photo. Must we really wonder anymore why America is dumbing down?

Oh and also in response to what physical features single Kim looks for in a guy, the 30 year old with a mind of a 12 year old girl gave the most superficial description ever:

“I want my guy to have a six pack, be really cute, tall, have a small nose, small ears, really funny, and really good teeth.”

If you have nothing better to do on this Friday evening, then feel free to murder some of your brain cells watching this tidbit of their interview:

kardashian book signing 021210

kardashian book signing 021210
◄ Back
Picture 1 of 6

Comments : 1 comment
02
Dec 10

Your Daily Kardashian Update

Some of my readers have expressed shock and outrage over my recent neglect of reporting and verbally abusing the Kardashian clan’s daily shenanigans.

I’m sorry everyone, but it’s hard to keep up with these bitches since they are practically turning America into their own empire called Armenia. I’ve simply been on a Kardashian overload.  Not only that, but my eyes get so itchy every time I read their last name in daily news headlines, that sometimes my mind puts a mental block on their existence.

But, I promise to do a better job and proudly announce a new “Your Daily Kardashian Update” that you can always expect to find on my blog because you know you care.

So here goes:

Kim Kardashian is thankfully going to be “digitally dead” until the end of December (according to PopEater), or until she sells her and her sisters’ entire Loubutions collection and donates a $1,000,000 to the “Keep a Child Alive” campaign. So pretty much, a bunch of celebrities and Kim Kardashian decided to “digitally die” by signing off their Fbook, Twitter and Myspace accounts & asking the people of the world to “buy their lives back” and bring them back into our social networking lives. Needless to say, no one’s cheap ass cares to donate $5 to bring these bitches back so the campaign is failing at raising $1 million to raise everyone from the dead. So far, the total for all the dead celebs is only up to $181,545. Sorry AIDS, but it’s clear to say that people care more about spending money on themselves than donating to you.

I just love this South Park video so much:

In other Kardashian News:

The KKK (Kourtney, Kim and Khloe) witches have been whoring out their new book, shamelessly titled “Kardashian Konfidentail,” on every morning TV show that will have them. I really hope that this book gets placed in the “Photography” section of Borders and Barnes & Noble since this book is more like a photography album that our parents used to make before the time of digital cameras, digital frames, and facebook albums. (I kinda miss actual photo albums)
Now,the cover of the album shows the sisters with their finger over their mouthes “Shhh…-ing” as if inside the book we will find confidential government documents. I personally find it absolutely hysterial seeing Kim with the “Sh…” finger as if she’s hiding something from us. Honey, we all know and have seen how you got famous, you are not hiding anything!

Anyways, enjoy a bunch of pictures of the KKK sisters wearing ridiculous shit to their promotional appearances.

kardashian book signing 3 301110

kardashian book signing 3 301110
◄ Back
Picture 1 of 5

Comments : 2 comments
29
Nov 10

Kim Kardashian is Dead…NOTTTTT

…and I’m back from a 4 day weekend food coma hiatus. As I slowly return to society and dive back into the realm of internet entertainment news, what better way to greet me than with the news that my favorite entrepreneur, Kim Kardashian has selfishly died and deprived our existence of her crapper’s presence at every endorsement deal and her weekly appearance in the educational tv show called, Keeping up with the Kardashians.

I screamed and kicked my desk and banged on my keyboard in agony all too soon, because this bitch ain’t dead but rather staged her own glamorous death photo inside a glamorous coffin to raise money for Keep a Child Alive campaign.

Kim Kardashian has vowed to stop updating her status about herself every 5 minutes on Twitter and Facebook starting this Wednesday until $1 million is raised!!

Kim’s ad reads: “Kim sacrificed her digital life to give real life to millions of others affected by HIV/AIDS in Africa and India. Visit BuyLife.org or text ‘KIM’ to ’90999′ to buy her life now.“

So, apparently if you want Kim to be back on Twitter and Facebook in no time polluting your News Feed with countless status updates & pictures of herself, then go ahead and donate to get the most influential person of our lifetime back to spreading her wisdom about what the worst thing on the planet is and solving the mystery of Sasquatch.

Oh, P.S. Kim…here is a thought…why don’t you stay off Twitter, Facebook and the American television forever ANDDD donate a $1 million dollars from your Playboy & porn video sales to this great cause?

kim_kardashian_playboy

kim_kardashian_playboy
◄ Back
Picture 1 of 8

Comments : 1 comment
22
Nov 10

Kardashians Announce Global Partnership with Skechers Shape-Ups, Barf.

Me: Doctor, I think I’m allergic to something.
Doc: What are you allergic to?
Me: I think I’m allergic to seeing this last name on every Goddamn product out there.

The Kardashians found yet another product to plant their ass, I mean, last name on – Skechers.
The sisters and their pimp, Kris attended a press conference to announce their new “Kardashian collection” for Skechers Shape-ups. I really don’t know who the marketing genius is at Skechers but how can you use Kim Kardashian’s big ass to advertise a product that supposedly gets you in shape?

What’s next? Kardashian water bottles to work out with?

skechers kardashians 221110

skechers kardashians 221110
◄ Back
Picture 1 of 8

Photos: WENN

Comments : 1 comment


← Older Entries