I found it inappropriate to give this post a “Best Moments” title so let’s just review the friggin’ Worst Moments from this domestic violence/roid rage mess of an episode.
Mike decides to butt into SamRon’s business by asking Sam if she needs somebody to talk to.
Mike: Sam, You and Ron cool?
Sammi: I don’t know. I don’t wanna talk about it.
Mike: To be honest with you, it’s never gonna get better. How do you get past that? In Miami, Ronnie was just so drunk and he was sloppy.
Wrong move, Mikey. Why would you ever butt into the business of a couple that not only do you live in the same house but sleep in the same bedroom with? It’s clearly none of your business.
Ron overhears Mike and feels like he stabbed him in the back so he tells Pauly he is going to put him in his place for breaking guy/girl code. Pauly thinks taking Ron to the boardwalk will get his mind off of things so the two head out of the house. They pass by a bar where Deena took Sammi to get her mind off of things.
Sammi swears to Deena that Ronnie was walking around with a girl. Pauly should be offended. Come on Sammi, just because Pauly is friends with Justin Bieber does not mean he can also pass for a butch lesbian:
Sam is pissed & declares that she’s gonna go out there and find the hottest guy in the bar and get Ron back for talking to a girl. So she begins harassing any humans in sight with a cock and balls with classic pick up lines:
“You, come here. I need to talk to you. I just wanna talk to You.” – Sam
When everybody comes back from the boardwalk, Ron announces that he is waiting to confront Mike and Sammi should “sit down, grab some popcorn and watch.”
The conversation goes something like this:
Ron: You played me out, bro.
Mike: She should be by herself, you should be by yourself. It’s not healthy for you guys to fight this much.
Ron: You broke guy code.
Mike: I’m your boy. I got your back.
Ron: You don’t have my back, you broke girl code.
While Ron confused us with all this code talk, Mike actually did the first smartest thing anyone has done in the entire house and avoided getting his weave pulled ala Jwoww style and apologized to Ron.
Pauly was in shock that shit didn’t go down between Mike & Ronnie. They actually hugged it out and that was it! Boooooooo
SamRon go at it again started by Sam’s infamous “I need to talk to you” line. Sam proceeds with the same “I don’t understand how you cheated and lied to my face and watched me cry?” questions. However, the bigger question that Snooki & Jenni have been asking Sam for the longest time is:
Ron tells Sam to be a WOMAN and MAN up.
Ron tells Sam he’s done with everything AGAIN and Sam tells Ron he doesn’t deserve to be with someone like her AGAIN, and the two part ways.
Sammi tells Deena she’s gonna go out with the girls tonight and also tells us that she likes the dick.
Ron tells the guys that he’s gonna hang out with them and that Single Ronnie is back in business!
While everyone gets ready to leave, Ron heads upstairs to get something out of his shared closet with Sam.
Sam: What are you gonna do?
Ron: Hang out with my boys.
Sam: So if a girl comes up to you, what are you gonna do?
Ron: What is there to discuss, Sam? We are broken up.
Sam: “crying”
Sam: You are not worth these tears that im crying.
Ron: So stop crying.
Sam: I can’t do this anymore. Fuck you, you douchebag.
Ron: I got the smush room tonight just so everyone knows.
Mike goes upstairs to the Third World War room to grab something as Ron starts ripping Sammi’s clothes out of her closet and throwing everything on the floor.
Ron: Take all your shit and get it out of this room. You are not welcome in this room. Nobody likes you! Move out!
Sam: You piece of shit. I want nothing to do with you
Ron: I’ll put your shit in a fire, you bitch
Then Ron turns into the Incredible Hulk and lifts Sammi’s bed with her on it. Something tells me Ron is really rough in bed…Sam definitely likes it:
Then Ron leaves, Sam follows him and kicks the door.
Editor’s Note: Check out Vinny’s priceless grin.
Ron: I’ll have three girls in my bed tonight. I’m gonna fuck the fuck outta them.
Ron: I never liked you that’s why I cheated on you in Miami.
Nicki Minaj, do you have anything to say about this?
Ron: I got girls cooking me dinner. I’ve been with you for a year. How many times u cook for me? None! You fukcing stupid useless spoiled bitch.
All this debauchery is too crazy for me and thank God for random shots of Snooki’s cleavage-friendly dress:
and a close up:
At this point Snooki’s suffocating boobies get involved and she tells Sammi that if Ron wants to play this dirty game with her then they can help her play it 10 times as hard.
Deena chimes in and tells Sam to put on something really, really hot and go to Aztec and have fun as single ladies. Sam agrees and they head to what’s left of her closet to pick something out for her.
Ron goes out with the boys and says he’s gonna bring two hookers home and that he’s got the smush room!
The meatballs, Snooki & Deena decide to move Sam’s bed to their room however they run into some problems because the bed frame won’t fit through the doorway. Snooki gives an amazing analogy:
This entire season, Snooki’s been doing a LOT of free PR for Vinny’s big penis and Goddamnit it is about time we see this thing! I feel confident betting that out of all the guys in the house, Vinny is getting the most ass just because all the girls must be curious about the size of that thing!
As much as I’d love to make educated guesses about the size of Vinny’s penis, unfortunately we have to get back to the annoying SamRon situation, ugh.
Snooki falls over trying to bring Sam’s mattress from the porch, where Ron threw it, back into the house while Sam gets ready.
Sam reveals that she is going to Aztec tonight for ONE reason: to get Ron back the best way she knows how. So she puts on a hot dress, straights her hair extra straight this night, stand on top of a table and does her mating call:
Then she dances some:
Ron observes:
Then she finds a guy to grind on:
Nicki, any comments?
Ron is obviously not taking this well: “We broke up 45 minutes aog, she had the balls to get all done up and go to the bar and dance with other guys. I wanan fucking wrangle your neck right now!” YEAHH!! Drink some RonRon juice and strangle that bitch!
Ron comes home and starts kicking Sam’s shit around, breaking furniture, throwing shit around, stepping on everything.
Ron: You want to dance with dudes? Fuck you! I’m so angry with Sam, I can’t believe she was dancing with some guy. I just hate her. So disrespectful.
Nicki?
Sam comes home to a historical place known as the Jersey Shore ruins:
Ronnie broke her glasses =*(
Meanwhile, Jwoww comes home with Roger and puts on some freaky domintrix bondage shit to give him something to think about while he is away for a few weeks:
Snooki approves of this outfit:
In the morning, Sam tells everyone in the house individually that she is leaving. Ron comes upstairs to ask her if she is sure she wants to leave.
A scene of Niagra Falls:
As soon as Sam leaves and Ron admits he misses having her around to abuse each other:
After this episode aired, Ronnie took it to his twitter to describe what went down:
What the fuck does that even mean????????????????????????????????????????????? No, really – was that in English? What else you got, Ron?
Anything else?
The End.
Click here for Episode 6 Review.
Click here for Episode 5 Review.
Click here for Episode 4 Review.
Click here for Episode 3 Review.
Click here for Episode 2 Review.
Click here for Episode 1 Review.
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